The IPL Team of 2011: ZooZooZ Continued

The third edition of IPL is back (the first edition, the second edition) ! There was not much of a selection headache for the selection panel as most of the 'star performers' of the year merited selection based on their performances. So, without consuming more words, let's introduce the team.

The IPL Team of 2011.

1) Mayawati: Julian Assange might not know who is a 'dalit'. But, Mayawati knows that Julian Assange is "anti-dalit". Wondering what the matter is? Early last year, when Wikileaks 'leaked' some classified and official documents, some of them had references to Mayawati as 'dictator' and treating government servants as servants !. How did Mayawati respond? "Wikileaks and Julian Assange are anti-dalit". Now, Julian Assange was on backfoot. Imagine, how will bowlers feel if Mayawati is at the crease? Mayawati as the aggressive opener.



2) Veena Malik: Who better than Veena Malik to complement Mayawati at the top of the order? Woman Power ! Isn't it? Whether she posed nude (exposed) for FHM or not; whether it was Pakistan or India, Veena Malik ensured enough to get the exposure everywhere ! I just admire the aggressive manner in which she defends herself and puts the entire blame on others, so much so that the other person now needs to find a defense ! And if this was already not enough, she will again feature in her "swayamwar" in coming months, brought to us by the "colourful" channel. Chief guests for the occasion: Past "swayamwar-ers" Rahul Mahajan & Rakhi Sawant ! Veena Malik as an aggresive opener.


3) Sharad Pawar: He is a veteran. He has featured in the IPL teams of past, and it comes to us as no surprise that he gets into the team this year too. He is the 'rock' of the middle order. Don't trust me? Try 'slapping' him in front of everyone, and look at his composure ! The 'pawar'full wall of India ! Sharad Pawar as the 'pawar'ful middle order batsman


4) Baba Ramdev: Along with a 'rock' at an end, you also need someone nimble; someone who can adapt to any situation. Baba Ramdev is very 'flexible', and exhibits flexibility on the field too. He has the ability to take quick decisions (refer to his "saree-act"). Remember some connection between Ramlila Maidan and Ramdev? Huh !  Baba Ramdev as the 'flexible' middle order batsman


5) Rajniknath : I picked the other 10 players, Rajni picked himself ! Though he is in the team as a batsman, but gosh, he can do anything. Anything means everything ! He can bat, he can bowl, he can both bat and bowl at the same time, he can even catch the ball if asked. Some controversy on DRS? Who needs a DRS, when Rajni is on the field? Infact, if you seriously think, is there a need of third umpire (or 1st or 2nd umpires) when he is on the field (nothing beats Rajni)?. A delight to have in the team. Rajni as the star wicket-keeper batsman (who can bowl also if needed).


6) Anna Hazare: Cricket lovers all round the world are talking about ageing stars (Tendulkar, Dravid, Ponting, Hussey, etc etc), as if age has anything to do with performance. Look at our star allrounder. Defying all, he emerged as the star performer of the year. He is fast, and he loves 'fast'. He started as a medium -fast bowler (in his village), but developed his skills in the middle of the year to become the 'fast'est Indian bowler ( at Ramlila Maidan), and is now working on his batting skills too. He has started shifting his focus from his "core-competency" to subjects like FDI and elections (batting skills). Anna as 'fast' Allrounder.


7) Ra.One : There was a fierce contest for this slot of an allrounder, which was played on the Internet, Television, FM Channels, Mobile phones, Newspapers, Movie Halls, and Mannat. But after a 3 months  but Ra.One edged out the other competitors G.One and SRK. If ever there was a case of "खोदा पहाड़, निकली चूहिया" (i.e. you dig a mountain only to find a mouse), it was not Ra.One. For Ra.One, it was a case of 'not even finding a mouse' ! Was it a sci-fi? a comedy movie? a pathetic joke? all of these? none of these? I don't know. But what I do know is that Ra.One is in the team to attract the audiences, increase the TRPs, get advertisements, scare the opposition (till he comes to the field), leave them awestruck, without actually performing anything. He has this gifted-ability to do this time and again. Ra.One will help us distract the audiences in thinking that he is the main substance we have, while we preserve our main weapon, whom I unleash next. Ra.One as 'over-rated' allrounder.


8) Digvijay Singh: At the beginning of the year, Digvijay Singh was a noun. At the end of the year, Digvijay Singh is an adjective ! Now if someone speaks rubbish, people don't say that the person is speaking rubbish, people instead say that the person is Digvijay-ed. "Osama Jee", "Ramdev is thug", "Anna is RSS agent". Did I say anything? Did you read something between the lines? "I was misquoted" ! One admires his ability to spin innovative and funny tales for us relentlessly. Digvijay Singh as 'unorthodox' spinner.


9) Suresh Kalmadi: Another person capable of spinning different tales, according to different conditions. He has the knack to assess the situation of the pitch and accordingly modify his spin and flight and content and delight ! He did something last year, for which he was in the team even last year. He continued to amaze us this year too, so here he is in this year's team as well !. Suresh Kalmadi as spinner.


10) Kanimozhi: Woman power again ! Whether the Parliament passes the Women's Reservation Bill or not,  no one can accuse the selectors of this team on that front. Kanimozhi spent the better part of the year at a place which is the largest of its kind in South Asia (It is located near Hari Nagar; village name is Tihar village). Her lawyers tried came up with all kinds of arguments (ranging from out-rightly ludicrous to rhetorical) to get her out of place, but her past-actions continued to haunt us for most of the time. She is in the team for her 'deceptive' skill. She can 'deceive' the batsmen and others with her 'innocent' looks. Her potent weapon: the 'doosra'; or rather the 'doosri' ('pehla' was a raja called A Raja) !. Kanimozhi as the 'mysterious' spinner.


11) Manmohan Singh: Silent assassin. Will not speak his mouth, even if the last person has opened theirs' ! Some say that PM stands for 'Puppet Minister', some feel PM stands for 'Polite Man', while some other comment that PM means 'Pareshan Mantri'. For the selectors, PM stands for 'Pace Man'. He doesn't seem to be 'Prime' enough, when he is supposed to be the 'Prime Minister' ! But, he still is the PM. Isn't he? He has the 'pace' which makes him the slowest 'pace man (bowler)'. Military medium pace bowler, who is in the team because the selectors have 'sacrificed' for him (Just as Sonia Gandhi 'sacrificed' to make him the PM) ! Manmohan Singh as the medium pace bowler.


Coach: Team Anna. Unanimous choice.


Support Staff: Team India (the team which won the World Cup; and not the team which went to England and which presently is touring Australia !).


Un-official Sponsors: Kingfisher Airlines (The King of 'not-so-good' times !)