The IPL Team of 2009 : The ZooZooZ

One of the major cricketing highlights of this year was the Indian Premier League going international. Some of us were left wondering what and where was the “Indian element” in the IPL. I have a hunch that may be in times to come IPL will come to mean International Premier League. ( How about Injured Players League? Or Ignored Premier League? Or Idiots’ Premier League ?). Meanwhile IPL has decided to increase the number of teams from next year ( or may be next to next year), and I have decided to encash this opportunity. I have formed a team selecting the best of best Indian talent available. For this selection performances of players in 2009 only have been taken into account. I introduce my team as below:

1) Raj Thackeray: As an opening Batsman, there couldn’t be any better Indian, oh sorry, “Marathi Manoos” than this flamboyant and aggressive player. He redefined the meaning of Marathi Manoos, Mumbaikars and made sure that those daring to use “Bombay” in their movies are taught a lesson. He fears no politician, no media, no courts and obviously no bowler !! Really the year belonged to him and we ( including me) look forward to see and hear from him next year.

2) Madhu Koda : To complement an aggressive opening counterpart he is the best choice available. You will hardly notice him but the speed with which he does his job leaves all, and I mean each and every single individual ,amazed. Whether it was the pace at which he “siphoned off” Rs 4000 odd crores or the speed at which he fell ill on being interrogated or the speed of his denial he taught all of us a lesson. Be it politicans, businessmen, middlemen, management geeks, all were left dumbfounded how and when he did it. The opponents will tend to overlook him and by the time they indeed do, damage would have been done. Surely, the best opening pair I could have thought of.

3) B Ramlinga Raju : He was initially thought of as an alternative to Madhu Koda for opening, but that was till Koda grabbed the headlines. The first few months of the year completely belonged to him. Be it regional media or national media, be it the poor or be it the rich, everyone talked of him for some or the other time in the first few months, if not the year. Till date investigating agencies are figuring out the exact details of his deeds and it gives us ample proof of his sound technique. The best middle order choice, Mr “Un”dependable !!

4) Shiney Ahuja: He will add the glamour quotient to the team; afterall after three quality players the IPL team will also need some glamour quotient. In a way he has similarities with Raju as in both cases their looks defy their actions. Much has already been written about his “ performances” already so no need to repeat what you know, what I know and which perhaps our courts will also end up knowing !

5) K C Rao: He is a true fighter. He simply wouldn’t give up. He has all the ability one could expect from a no. 5 player. He didn’t start the year on a high but sure ended it up with one. But that was before he hit the nadir in May after the General Elections. He is a player who refuses to give up;he didn’t give up for 13 days after starting his fast, the Government did ! Telangana issue is back with a bang and is here to stay( and to haunt Congress, and to have him in the headlines). So yet another perfect choice for no. 5.

6) Rakhi Sawant : Now some might raise eyebrows over this selection but judge a man ( or for that matter a woman) by his/her actions and not anything else ! She has done enough to merit a place in this team as an allrounder. She can weep, make you weep, get frustrated , frustrate you, get engaged to get married, and then break up with and all that infront of all ,on the national television. Huh ! By the grace of “ Jeejas” she can also bowl, bat, field, keep wickets and if need be take on umpiring also. She is no more a noun but is an adjective !

7) Shibu Soren : The second all-rounder of the team and the second player from Jharkhand to be in this team. He starts the year on an all-time low, lost the by poll elections to an unknown entity in his constituency, got the courts with all sort of orders against him, dumped by UPA, losing his elder son in a mishap, doing miserably in the General Elections and then ending the year with being at the same post on which he was on the first of this year. He has seen it all and faced it all. His “experience” and “versatility” will be of utmost importance to this team.

8) Ajmal Kasab : He is the spinner of the team. He keeps on spinning tales and has a habit of trying to confuse others. One is really not sure what to expect next from him. On one occasion he is the “innocent” aspirant of Bollywood, on the other occasion he is a victim of circumstances. His best ability is to keep others guessing what he will come up with next. He has also got full support from the judiciary. The “special” court looking after his proceedings is really treating him “specially”, listening to his “special” tales and hearing the case at “special” pace ! He fills the role of a spinner and an outsider at the same time.

9) Bimal Gurung : He is a combination of Raj Thackeray and Madhu Koda in a way. He is aggressive on one hand but keeps low at the same time. He is the one and only leader of the GJM, Gorkha Jan-mukti Morcha. He is leading the movement to carve out a separate state for the Gorkhas, in the serene and picturesque hills of Darjeeling and doing it violently indeed ! He doesn’t care a damn if the Highways are blocked or whether tourists are harassed or whether the students give their exams, he has only one thing on his mind. This attitude is what one could expect from their main lead bowler, one point agenda, no- nonsense guy.

10) N D Tewary : A last moment entry to the team, courtesy his heroics on the field ( or bed, whatever). The fact that he is a governor of a state, or that he is past 80, or that his state and his party is involved in turmoil over Telangana didn’t deter him from his acts. On top of all this he stood by his ground till the time he was forced out of his office by his party who now disowns him ! Another bowler with the I-don’t-care-for-anyone attitude. Apt for the team.

11) S P S Rathore : He is another last moment entrant into the team, but not because of something he did in 2009, but rather something he did in 1990 which came to limelight in the last fortnight of the year. This shows the immense potential he has in him. More stories about him keep on coming to light and will continue in future also one guesses. That will further strengthen my case of him keeping him in my team as an “under-rated” bowler !

Now a bit about my bench staff:

Shashi Tharoor : He is the “twittering” manager of the team who will make sure that his team is kept in a different league, separate from the “cattle class”.

Silvio Berlusconi: He is the coach of the team. He is a politican, over 70 years, has corruption charges and cases against him, owner of AC Milan Football club, an industrialist, prefers company of the fairer sex around the age of 18, and he is also the Prime Minister of Italy. Recently he was hit on his face by a woman with a sandal; it remains to be probed whether it was his or hers ! A super combo, he will be the ideal coach of a superstar team .

DDCA : The IPL team will be looked after by the DDCA team as far as issues related to equipments, fitness and especially pitches are concerned. DDCA has expertise in these areas, especially the pitches with green tops !

PS: For all the “players” and their supporters I have only one thing to say : Ignore me and my post if it goes against your views at any place. I am too small to be bothered about.

For those who don’t fall in the above category I have only one thing to say : Don’t ignore me and my post if it appeals to you at any place. Do comment on the team and the post. Waiting for them eagerly.